we are well on our way into a new year and, like i always do, i spent some time reflecting on the last one. for once i feel like this time last year seems so much longer ago than it actually was. when i think about the things that i was doing last january, and what i’ve learned about myself in the months following and into this new year, i genuinely feel like i’m in a different spot. i spent a lot of time thinking about the act of hiding. literally, figuratively, physically, emotionally. from yourself and from others… most of the time it’s both. i had a few things written out, thoughts and some stories, but i scratched most of it to just say…
be okay with moving on. be okay with being your true self but then be okay with breaking it the fuck down and putting it back together into something new. for most of my life i’ve been telling myself the same story over and over again, and then i started to think about all the things i might be missing out on by believing that my story could only have the same sad theme throughout. i really do believe living a life with no illusions can only be a rewarding one. when you stop hiding from yourself your true self begins to flourish and you have all the power to mould it into anything you want it to be. that is where i’m at right now, i’m a newborn in my new real me’s life! (wrap your head around that for a minute.)
in the fall i started going through old notebooks, journal entries, photos and pieces of memories i’ve kept over the years. so many of the physical keepsakes i have in my possession still held so much weight, in my heart and in my head. as i scanned them i made a conscious decision to move forward and it felt so good.
i love being an open book, so i turned this process into a project, you can check it out here - www.me-in-real.life
this year, it’s time to start telling a different story.
i really like words. i like reading them writing them singing them. i’ve formed a habit of looking up the definition of a word that i relate to in a moment and really focus on what the word means. it’s sort of a meditative practice of mine. i’ve been meditating on illusion since it came to me in the summertime, and i’ve applied this outwards as well as inwards. being real is hard and i hope to only get better at it as i continue to learn how.
i’ve been welcoming this new year repeating a few words to myself:
i am the author of my own story and i am ready to not recognize myself.
2018 i can’t wait for you! let’s be best friends.